Darkside Rainbow

I haven’t had much to say about the lives of the rich and the functionally stupid lately, have I? I can’t help it; I’m really not much of a celebrity gossip-monger. I don’t care if Britney lost custody of her kids or if Milla’s huge as a barn (if she’s pregnant, of course she is, dolts); I don’t even follow the rumors of who’s gay this week despite it being my area of interest (unless it’s Vin Diesel or Wentworth Miller, and that’s more for the sake of my daydreams than anything else). Besides, the girls over at Trashy Celebs are much better at following that hot mess than I am. Every once in a while, though, I run across a steaming pile of idiocy that just demands that I open my mouth and say something.

ANNA’S EX SUES OVER GAY CLAIM - New York Post

October 3, 2007 — ATLANTA - Fiercely denying gay allegations, Anna Nicole Smith’s lawyer and companion, Howard K. Stern, slapped former MSNBC host Rita Cosby with a $60 million libel lawsuit yesterday.

Cosby’s book, “Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith’s Death,” claims Stern and Smith’s ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead had a sexual encounter.

The suit, filed in Manhattan federal court, seeks $10 million in compensatory damages and $50 million in punitive damages from Cosby and Hachette Book Group USA.

[...]Stern’s lawsuit says the book falsely accuses him of criminal lewd acts, homosexual acts, illegal possession and use of cocaine, conspiring to commit murder and kidnapping for ransom.

You can keep rollin’ your eyes till they fall out of your head, baby; that still ain’t gonna fix the stupid.

It’s not just the topic of the article that I find wholly idiotic, although really - first, I don’t know why these people write celebrity tell-alls without grounded evidence when they just know they’ll be called liars and quite possibly sued for more than they made on the book, even if they’re telling the truth. At the same time, though, what’s the point of suing over it? When there are celebrities, there are going to be celebrity tell-alls. Anyone read that horrid book by that woman who claims to have had sex with some hundred-odd celebrities (including my adored Diesel)? I can’t remember the title of it, but it penned multitudes of badly-written graphic sexual encounters and claimed them all to be true. Stern should just be glad he wasn’t involved in that, but then he’s probably not big-name enough.

Here’s what really gets me, though. Go skim that excerpt again. It says “Stern’s lawsuit says the book falsely accuses him of criminal lewd acts, homosexual acts, illegal possession and use of cocaine, conspiring to commit murder and kidnapping for ransom.”

Now check the title of the article.

“ANNA’S EX SUES OVER GAY CLAIM”.

Really? Is that all he’s suing over?

My nerves are getting twerked, kids, and when my nerves start twerkin’, my temper starts rising. What’s the point of sensationalizing the lawsuit to highlight just that one part of it? Frankly, I’d think Stern’s main concerns would be the drug use and murder conspiracy claims, not that he had a romp in the sack with another guy - but this article’s all about making it sound like Stern’s after $60 million just for a claim that he engaged in homosexual sex, and forget the rest of it.

Fine. Where’s my $60 million for the girl who thought I was straight enough to start flirting with me yesterday? I’m insulted, too. My name has been tarnished. I need money.

See how ridiculous that is? Frankly, I would pay to see the day when “gay” stops being such a culturally sensitive and insulting word that people in the news media feel the need to hype it up like that. Whatever happened to objective reporting? Jesus honkin’ Christ, guys, you’re really not doing us a favor, here. Most gay activists are struggling to get mainstream America to accept homosexuality as a commonplace, everyday thing, not a killing offense, and here you are screeching about it as a 60 million dollar insult.

But I suppose the article would bore people otherwise, wouldn’t it.

That’s just sad.

anna nicole smith, howard k. stern, rita crosby, larry birkhead, Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith’s Death