Darkside Rainbow

The mayor of Ft. Lauderdale, FL has lost his bloody mind, yo. This may be a little too crude for some of you, but I just couldn’t pass it up - it’s too funny. (Warning: some mild scatological humor ahead.) These are the levels to which homophobic paranoia paired with a little abuse of power will take you:

Fort Lauderdale Mayor Seeks Robotic Toilets To Curb Gays - 365Gay.com

(Fort Lauderdale, Florida) Fort Lauderdale’s Mayor wants the city to fork out a quarter-million dollars for a toilet he claims will put an end to gay sex that he says is rampant in public washrooms on the beach, even though the police department denies there is a problem.

Mayor Jim Naugle has spent the better part of a decade fighting what he has claimed to be an attempt by gays to take over Fort Lauderdale. He has consistently fought all LGBT rights ordinances that have come before city commissioners. [...] The conservative Christian mayor tells the Sun-Sentinel that the washrooms are pickup places for gays. “They’re engaging in sex, anonymous sex, illegal sex,” he said.

“We’re trying to provide a family environment where people can take their children who need to use the bathroom,” he told the paper “without having to worry about a couple of men in there engaged in a sex act.”

The police department, however, tells the paper that sex in bathrooms isn’t a major problem. [...] “There’s no evidence, no reports or arrests made for any men having sex in any restrooms,” Sousa told the paper.

[...]The “robo-john” allows occupants to stay inside for only a short time before the door opens.

Cost of the device: $250,000.

Let…me get this straight. This guy wants to spend millions of dollars (quarter mil each, after all) on robotic toilets because he’s convinced that gays are having sex in beach bathrooms even though the local police are swearing to him that it’s not an issue?

…I’m laughing so hard that I can barely breathe. Seriously. This is the kind of crackpot thing that you see in the tabloids. Might as well plan out the “Terminator Toilets Plot World Destruction! Eradicate All Humans! Resistance is Futile! All Your Poop Are Belong to Us!” headlines for the following week. (I could have done some worse ones, but didn’t want to be too disgusting.)

So here’s the million-dollar question: what if you’re in there for a long time because you’re having a little problem after that Mexican food you ate for lunch, and the door flies open while you’re still trying to handle your business? Can you sue your friendly neighborhood mayor for forcing you into indecent exposure? Or is the fact that the potty cleans itself and plays music (I sh*t you not, no pun intended) supposed to ease the embarrassment? That’s some good family fun right there.

You want to spend $250,000 of taxpayer money per john, buddy, you go right ahead. I hope you aren’t up for reelection any time soon.

Oh, and let me know when you find those phantom gay sex offenders, ‘kay? As I’m sure you’ve been haunting every bathroom on the beach watching for them, if you’ve got such incontrovertible proof that defies even police testimony. You’re not crazy at all. Oh, no. It’s another diabolical plot by the gay agenda. We’re taking over Fort Lauderdale! And soon your robo-potties will be our evil Terminator minions! They will have lasers, yes. Bright rainbow lasers, and they will be impeccably clean and will play Elton John 24/7 until you kneel at our feet and beg for mercy. Fort Lauderdale will be ours, and then we will have sex in all the bathrooms! [insert maniacal laugh here]

[snortsnicker] …okay, I’m done bein’ a smarta** now.

jim naugle, fort lauderdale, florida, beach, gay sex, robotic toilets, robo-john, mmm that’s some good crazy