Survey: How out are you?
I’m busy and working my head off, so you know what that means: it’s survey time again! Normally I do an “Ask Adri” when I’m busy or the news is slow, and gods know I’ve got a backlog of reader questions, but right now I’ve got work coming out the effin’ culo and don’t even have time for that. So…
We all know that I make no secret of the fact that I’m gay, even when it isn’t blatantly obvious. I don’t bring it up as a point of introduction (”Hi, I’m Adri, I’m cranky, and I’m gay!” …I think not) or walk around with a rainbow flag stuck in my hat, but if someone asks, I don’t try to hide it. Hell, I write this column under my real name, and on my public writing blog I make no secret of the fact that I’m a gay author who likes to focus on minorities (whether by sexuality or ethnicity) as protagonists. Sure, sometimes it gets negative reactions, but thankfully in my line of work I have the freedom not to worry about job security because I don’t have to deal with my employers face to face and they don’t care as long as I don’t make them look bad all over the internet - and as far as social situations, well, I don’t really want to be around anyone who’d have a problem with my sexuality anyway, so it works as a good screen-out factor to catch 50% of the human drek. When it comes to family…well, we just won’t go there. Suffice to say I stopped caring what my family thought of me a long time ago.
There is the fear factor, wondering if anyone would cause me bodily harm out of prejudice, but…screw fear. I just don’t care. I am who I am, and that’s the way it’s going to be, for better or for worse. But not everyone feels that way, and some people are less open than others. So survey says…
Gay, Bi, Lesbian, or Transgendered: How “out” are you?
(a) I’m so far in the closet I can’t even see the light.
(b) I’m out to a few close people, but no one else.
(c) I’m out to my friends, but not to my family or in the workplace.
(d) I’m out to friends and family, but not in the workplace.
(e) I’m all over the place, baby. Out and proud and just a little loud.
(f) I’m out, but not declaratively so; I make no efforts to hide it, but
don’t announce it, either.
(g) I’m straight. The only closet I worry about is the one with my
clothes in it.
(h) I’m straight, but closeted anyway because for some reason I
decided to pretend to be gay/bi/lesbian/trans/etc. (Hey, this
happens.)
(i) I’m asexual, you insensitive bastard.
(j) Other/will explain in comments.
My answer’s mostly F, but with a little of E when I start to get defiant about it. Although maybe I wouldn’t be so open if I ever had to fear ending up featured in a homophobic Polish political speech…
Erk, I’ve gotta run. ~flees~
P.S. Hikaru, I swear to gods if you respond to this before you’ve had at least eight hours of sleep, I’m flying out there to shiv you. Rest, you psycho.
I’m overly fond of my shiv to the trachea line, methinks.
Listen to DR Streaming Radio
March 20th, 2008 at 9:54 am
I’m C. Being out in my workplace would probably get me fired, and my family is just . . . well, they’re a bunch of right-wing fanatics.
March 20th, 2008 at 10:18 am
I will say C.
Sexually, I’m straight. However, I run a meetup group for people who identify as vampire, fae, or otherkin. Most people don’t even know what that means, but somehow “freak” always seems to pop into their heads. (And I can tell you ‘vampires’ in this sense have nothing to do with Dracula.)
Suffice to say, the right to exist without pretending to be “normal” is one I would love to see established. For everybody.
March 20th, 2008 at 10:35 am
I’m F. I’m out to everyone who knows me and anyone who wants to know me but it’s not as though I wear a sign around my neck.
March 20th, 2008 at 11:25 am
G. I’m straight, though according to my friends, there was some confusion over my sexual orientation when we first met.
Cole - Some of us know what you mean. My best friend in high school was a sang.
March 20th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Probably F, leaning on the conservative side. (I know, shocking, right?) Mostly it’s due to the area I live in - my town makes the Bible belt look like a whorehouse.
I have one rule though - if you ask me a question straight (hahhah) out, I’ll answer it honestly. If you beat around the bush, I reserve the right to spin a tale like the Irish girl I am - aka lie my ass off. Thus, if people care enough to ask how I swing (and I’m bi - an equal opportunity offender, I love a person not a gender.) I’ll answer honestly.
Mom’s never wanted to REALLY know, so has never asked. I’m pretty sure she’s figured it out on her own though. *L*
March 20th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I fall under c — my good friends know it, and I don’t hide it all that much when I’m out casually with people I’m comfortable with (I tend a bit towards flamboyance, in fact… perhaps because I tend to bottle it up otherwise). My parents “know” about it, in that I told them a number of years ago when I started suspecting, but I’ve been under the radar long enough that they probably think it was a phase.
As for my coworkers: I don’t really have to worry about being out to them, as they aren’t exactly going to do anything about it…but my shift manager’s conservative enough that I just don’t feel comfortable enough. Not to mention, some of the other crazies… but eh.
March 20th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
E. I am proud of who I am. I have been through a lot and I have gotten to the point where I tell people, “I am who I am and I can’t change it. Like it or not; it is up to you.”
When I came out to my parents I spent two weeks in ICU. When I came out to my best friend she fainted. When I came out to one of my bosses, I was fired. Even though these things have happened, I truly believe that I need to tell people. I feel like I am not honest with people when they assume heterosexuality and I do not correct them. I do practice caution, but as a general rule… you know my sexual preference within the first five minutes of knowing me.
March 20th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Replying to Heather, love you, babe. I’m proud of you.
March 20th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I’m a D, as long as family means only immediate family. I’m out to my parents and sister, but not to grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc. Mind, I won’t lie at work.
March 20th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
(f) I’m out, but not declaratively so; I make no efforts to hide it, but don’t announce it, either.
I’m much quieter about it at work than I am at home or with friends. But that’s mainly because I feel that whatever your orientation or relationship status may be, the workplace is not an area to discuss either of them. I don’t want to hear about, say, my boss’s failing marriage any more than I know they want to hear about the lying bitch who dumped me.
March 20th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
I would say I’m E/F, depending on the situation. I mean, no, it’s not how I introduce myself, because it doesn’t completely define me, but I’ll tell people if they ask, and correct people if they assume something about me that isn’t true (Which is pretty much any time someone assumes something about me). However, I also like very much to confuse people, so if they beat around the bush, so do I (I currently have at least one friend who probably doesn’t even feel safe in assuming that I’m human, at this point. Silly awkward boy.).
I guess it never occurred to me to hide it from people. I’ve never even seen a closet. (Okay, so I haven’t technically talked to my parents yet, but we just don’t do that stuff.)
Also, sorry for not posting in a while. Distracted, I guess. >.>;
Ooo. Otherkin. Shiny. Wonder what happened to the group I was in…-_-;
March 20th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
J! But closest to F, I think (with the occasional burst of E like any good queer). I’m out to almost all of my friends and I’m out to my siblings but not my parents or extended family. I am, however, totally out at work - or what I consider to be my work. There’s a fine line between work and school for me, but whichever one it is, I’m out. Of course half my lab is queer so it’s not a bit deal there. We regularly have group discussions/debates about the L Word when we should be working. Really it’s just my mom and a few friends that I’m not out to, but if any of them (mom included) asked me outright I would have no problem telling them. With the few friends it’s that it simply hasn’t come up, and with mom - well, let’s just say she’s a little religious and I’m… nervous.
March 21st, 2008 at 5:09 am
G… And I just got a new dress, so I’m not worrying about that closet either xD
March 21st, 2008 at 6:32 am
E/F for me I guess. only my grandparents doesn’t know and those people who doesn’t get what my rainbow pin on my messenger bag means
March 21st, 2008 at 5:48 pm
J (mostly some combination of F and E). I’m out to all of my friends, and everyone at school, but not to my parents. I tried to come out to my parents a few years back, and it failed miserably. I’ll try again in a few more years.
I knew at the beginning of the school year (I’m a frosh in college), that I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to come out generally if I didn’t take drastic measures. So, for several days of orientation and during the first few weeks of school, I wore a shirt that read “Let’s get something STRAIGHT… I’m not!”. It got the point across.
I don’t attempt to be over the top about being a lesbian, most of the time at least. But I have had the word “flaming” used to describe my sexuality on several occasions. I’m not good at doing subtle.
Adri S.
March 21st, 2008 at 7:33 pm
G. And my closet needs some heavy duty weeding.
March 21st, 2008 at 11:30 pm
I slept, I slept…mom.
F, but I guess I’m like A, because no one guesses I’m gay. The lady who cut my hair the other day…the blank look on her face when I outed myself was priceless.
March 22nd, 2008 at 8:31 am
F, I suppose
Sometimes variable sexuality is more obvious than others. I’ll tell anyone who cares to ask, but I don’t wear t-shirts or bright rainbows or pink triangles or *show* to the world at large. I’m not sure if my family know or not. I only see them for a few weeks a year now I’m living on another landmass. My friends all know, because they see me in the context of clubs, bars, social places. My family only sees me when I’m home for those few weeks, sitting at the dinner table with them.
March 25th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
A bit late, as always…
I don’t fit on the survey because I don’t identify as anything. Simply enough. I don’t make it a secret that I support LGBT rights, but I also don’t make it a secret that I have been in a very straight relationship for the past three and a half years.. And more often than not, I don’t make the problems in my relationship a secret either.
On the other hand, I’ve always been uncomfortable about stating, “I’m bi/straight/lesbian” or whatever it is I thought at the time, so now I’ve just settled for, “Y’know, I’m whatever and I’m okay with it.”