Darkside Rainbow

This article doesn’t really discuss anything that isn’t evident to anyone with eyes and common sense, but it does bring up some points that I’ve touched upon before and would like to discuss again.

Study: Gay Couples Becoming More Visible in U.S. - KCBS

SAN FRANCISCO (KCBS) — The number of declared same-sex couples in the United States has quadrupled in the last 17 years, according to a recently released UCLA study.

Demographer Dr. Gary Gates of the Williams Institute at the UCLA Law School says the spike is due to growing acceptance around the country, and more couples willing to self identify. The analysis of census data shows the number of gay couples jumped the most in conservative states.

“We looked back at election results from the 1992 election and basically places that voted for George Bush Sr. had the biggest increases. Places that voted for Bill Clinton had the smallest increases,” said Gates.

He added that the numbers could be an indication that gay couples are becoming more mainstream and their homosexuality is perceived by the public as part of who they are, rather than their entire identity.

I have another theory behind the increase. I don’t think it’s right to the point of invalidating the reasons presupposed in the article, but I think the overall effect seen could be a combined result of all these varying factors.

I think, frankly, that we’re sick of hiding. The atmosphere of fear fostered in the homosexual community, that constant wariness of discovery and its repercussions, begins to wear on you when you live in a nation where, frankly, it is absolutely ridiculous that anyone should be judged for something as basic as their sexuality. People will accept BDSM before they’ll accept homosexuality. It’s enough to eat at the nerves until the sheer idiocy of the contrast can quite easily rouse a defiance that could make just about anyone stand up and say, “I am gay. That doesn’t change that I’m your neighbor, your coworker, your tennis partner, the guy who took the photos at your wedding, the girl who watches your kids until you get home from work in the evenings. You accept me as all of those things; integrate my sexuality into that picture, accept it as something as normal as the brand of tennis balls I prefer, and get over it.”

I’ve often ranted on the subject of blatantly blaring one’s sexuality in a desire for acceptance and acknowledgment. It can foster a perception of the GBLTQ community as obnoxious people who only identify as gay without a single other defining personality trait. For some people, that is their life. But for the rest of us…we’re just like the people described in that article. We don’t want to be known as “that gay guy” or “that lesbian” or “that transgender”. We speak loudly now because we ask, we beg to be acknowledged, but in the end we want that acknowledgment to be quiet, calm, as part of everyday life as we ourselves are. We want to be able to say “my husband” of a same-sex partner in a conversation without stirring a ripple. We want to be able to live our lives openly, without loud proclamations but without making any effort to hide. We want to be able to walk down the street in our suburb, holding hands with our boyfriend or girlfriend, and not draw any more notice than a mother pushing her child in a stroller.

I want to still always be known as “that writer” - that guy who’s trying to get a book published, and maybe in my dreams one day I’ll be known as that bestselling author. That misanthropic, whimsical, batty hermit who can do four loads of laundry separated by “whites” and “blacks” with not even one color load. That guy who makes bad jokes about his mixed ethnicity. That guy who’s always got a book with him, no matter where he goes. That socially awkward guy who pretends to be witty and well-spoken in text, but who trips over his tongue with hideous, blushing shyness when he actually has to talk to people other than his close friends face-to-face. That somewhat lonely guy who wonders if he’ll ever be able to put aside his pessimistic pragmatism to commit to a relationship beyond the bounds of practicality.

That guy who, appended to all of that, just happens to be gay. That guy whose sexuality is but a nuance that adds a shade to that overall tapestry, but doesn’t color it entirely…but who doesn’t have to paint over that color with another for fear of offending anyone’s sensibilities, either.

I want to be just Adrien, and not have to fear that my nation’s politics and prejudices will condemn the many aspects of who that is.

coming out, gay visibility, gay couples, coming out