Not quite on the same page.
Unsurprisingly, most of the limited circle of friends allowed past my cantankerous, defensive personal space barrier are gay, lesbian, bi, or trans. Well, perhaps that is a bit surprising, considering my criticisms of prevalent shallow, judgmental behavior in the gay community - but you tend to meet like minds in places like art school. In art school I met fun, relaxed, quirky people all across the GBLTQ spectrum, and held on to quite a few friends from those years. Through them I met others, and have built a close inner circle of people who avoid triggering my typical reaction of “Don’t make me stab you with my f&#$ing pencil” every time they open their mouths.
Because of that, though, I’m admittedly sheltered from straight people. Most of the straight people I know are via my LiveJournal friends list online, and I can’t really say I know them beyond what they choose to share of their lives in daily, weekly, or monthly posts. We have little in common, in truth. We have different interests, different perspectives, different approaches to life - but then, that’s what makes them interesting, and why I enjoy reading their posts. A recent kerfluffle over at LiveJournal (yes, another one, they just can’t stop) regarding censoring of interests brought up an interesting divide, though, one addressed by Anji (yes, our own raging lesbian Republican commenter) in her journal: more straight people are offended by the censoring of words like “gay” and “yaoi” among popular interests than gay people. Gay people just don’t care.
It startled me to realize that she’s right, at least in my case. I don’t care. I didn’t care about the fact that LiveJournal might be practicing homophobic censorship during the Harry Potter fanart / ponderosa121 / boldthrough / strikethrough / do-we-really-need-to-rehash-this incident beyond the fact that it was arbitrary censorship of art in general with flawed judgments of “artistic merit”, because as far as gay rights go, it’s just not an issue.
Another reader once brought up her view that straight people don’t go out of their way to support us; in fact, they do. Straight people will raven and rant over things that don’t even make us blink, and yet will shy away from the larger issues that require more work than loud protest and posting angry diatribes online. It’s not that they don’t mean well; they’re just misguided, and so eager to defend and be pro-gay that they miss out on the things that really matter, focusing so intently on single pixels that they miss the bigger picture. (Yeah, I know, that was lame.)
There’s a clear divide between the gay community’s idea of what matters to us, and the straight community’s idea of what matters to us. It’s unavoidable, considering that we approach issues of gay rights, freedom, and censorship from wholly different perspectives, pitting internal vs. external.
It’s not a universal problem, of course. There are plenty of straight advocates who don’t sweat the small things and labor right alongside the gay community in tackling those massive issues that will take years of work and struggle to unravel, and I think if we could educate more people in the straight community about key goals for gay rights before they toss on their boxing gloves and dive into the ring, then we might make more progress under more clearly focused efforts - because for the most part, the general population just doesn’t get it. That’s why gay news coverage in major media is so sensationalist and yet oddly spotty and dismissive; that’s why LiveJournal* explodes into a hotbed of “omg first amendment free speech” outrage the moment someone says “that could be construed as homophobic censorship oh noes!” To give people fair credit, maybe these issues matter to them. If they want to fight that hard, then I admire their passion.
But I can’t help but wonder why they fight in the name of people who don’t really give a damn about the things they’re so upset about. Fight in their own name, sure. Fight in the name of whatever personal issue makes these things important to them. Fight against censorship in general, because gods know that pisses me the hell off and if that’s all it’s about, then I’m right there with you. Fight against hate speech in general; don’t ignore widespread use of “n*gger” in high schools because it’s trendier to complain about kids saying “that’s so gay”. Don’t just flip over speculated homophobic behavior in popular television while dismissing misogyny and sexual objectification that abound much more freely. Don’t just rage over Christian conservatives seeking to ban gay books from libraries; look at all the books they seek to ban, all the information they seek to repress on history, other faiths, freedom, and culture. Hell, worry about Tibet; things are a bit chaotic over there right now. When it comes to the little things, look for the bigger picture, rather than focusing on one tiny quadrant and ignoring others. But as for fighting for us?
Thank you for the support and I wish you luck, but we’ve got bigger fish to fry.
*Granted, LiveJournal is a bad example of this. Most of the people on LiveJournal are fighting for their own right to be interested in these things, and to draw and write and express themselves in regards to whatever they want without censorship; it’s about protection of expression and not about gay rights. I just used LiveJournal as Anji’s post about the mess on LJ is what prompted this line of thought. But there are quite a few waving the gay rights flag in the dust-up, and there have been several widely-publicized media incidents in which straight advocates went psycho over one or two words and were righteously offended by things that…well…most people in the gay community just shrugged off.
idk my bff vladimir putin. kgb: im in ur jurnals, endin teh free wurld by crushin on ur bois. Yes, I know these tags are entirely frivolous.
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March 19th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
As I said - I suppose that people are so enthusiastic about protesting LJ via deleting journals or not posting/commenting for a day is because that is easy. It doesn’t require much of them, and they get to feel like they’re championing the gay-rights cause.
But in reality, it’s basically doing jack shit, and to me it means jack shit. It’s lazy and ineffective, but people love this kind of thing because it means they can feel like they’re doing something important. They get to brag to all their friends about how they’re for gay rights, when all they’ve done is click a couple of buttons. It pisses me the righteous fuck off when straight people (and I don’t mean all straight people, of course) take up my friends or me as some kind of fucking mascot. Gay is the new black, in terms of tokenism.
Maybe it’s my Republican showing here, but I think people have seriously overreacted to the things LJ has done over the past year. I don’t necessarily agree with all of it, but I can understand why they’ve done the things they’ve done. The grand majority of LJ users, as they are in the real world, are just normal, regular, moderate people - and LJ wants to keep those people, the ones who will fork over the money for special features on paid accounts. From a business standpoint, I know I’d rather keep regular, pleasant customers than I’d rather keep the bizarre ones who cause all kinds of problems being all weird and loud.
And frankly, I don’t think the think tank behind LJ is rubbing their hands together and plotting ways to undermine LGBT people or slashfic writers or RPers or what have you. I think they’re doing what they believe they need to do to keep the company running smoothly, and if costs them a few hundred or thousand customers to keep a million of them, they’ll do it.
And last…how many people do you know in real life who even know what LiveJournal is, let alone bring it up in daily conversation as if it’s important? It barely causes a blip in the radar of real life. It’s all about keeping perspective…and when it comes down to it, a journaling service is absolutely not important.
March 19th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I have no argument with any of that other than to bring up one point: LJ does actually come up in real life with some people, rather often. I met one of my current LJ friends at the University of Alabama, and several other people on my LJ I met first in real life and although we didn’t become close enough friends to call or hangout, we exchanged LJ user names and occasionally speak that way. All of my real-life close friends have LJs…and we religiously avoid each others’, because knowing the shit we say in there, we’d probably screw our friendships to hell and back if we followed our piddly online blogs. Although they’ve been known to walk in my door and say “So you’ll never believe what I wrote about in my LJ the other day…”
So it does have some social impact on real life, as the internet and daily physical life become more intertwined and social communications mesh.
But it still just ain’t that serious.
March 19th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I know what you mean - I was actually exaggerating to make a point. In our generation, blogging is huge. But to people like my mom, or my boss, or the next-door neighbors…LJ is still a “What the hell is that?” type thing, as it is with most of the country. Blogs, journals, memes, bulletins, it’s all the realm of the under-35 set. The vast majority of the real world takes no notice of what goes on in the realm of SUP. So I think that’s what annoys me greatly, that people think not posting for a day is going to make this huge difference and change the way the world sees the LGBT community. Uh, no, all that does is make it easier for me to complain about my job because the servers won’t be overloaded.
I only have one real-life friend on LJ, whom I met in high school. She’s sane, rational, supportive, sweet, and hilariously funny. Plus we see each other on average once every eighteen months.
March 20th, 2008 at 12:48 am
First of all, if you’re not worried about Tibet, you’re living in a fucking can.
I can’t speak for most people, but… and I’m going to sound childish here, because it is a childish impulse, I just love to fight. I like fighting on a personal level, so I don’t like to get involved in drama bombs.
Still, I often find myself arguing for a side I never cared about before, because I feel I can make more convincing arguments when I don’t bring personal biases to the table. Or at least can claim such (usually I have at least a passing interest, such as friends who are affected or a blood connection to a place discussed)
I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of people doing this kind of thing had a similar attitude, but take it more seriously. But that’s fine too; it helps you take the stuff you learn there to a serious world.
And yes, LJ is a bad example. Although one of their most recent changes is one that under circumstances, I’d leave the service for, mostly people are just whiny.
March 21st, 2008 at 11:11 pm
I just…this whole thing is getting so tired. I know it’s bad for me to say this (because I came across DR from the strikethrough crap, and I’m really glad I did) but…grow the fuck up, people! LJ is a business, they do what they think will make them money. Got a problem with it? Shut up and leave and stop paying them when they don’t offer the service you want!
March 22nd, 2008 at 7:35 pm
I love you, Hikaru. Hardcore.
March 22nd, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Anji: *grins* Wow, I have them lining up now. Better not let Adri see that, or he’ll shit kittens for days…
I really did get pissed with the first strikethrough, but now…meh? So what? Boo hoo, I can’t setup 50 free account to RP with my friends and might actually have to go outside and do something in the sunlight and the fresh air, and LOMG! *dead*
March 26th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Hello,my name is Frankie and this is actually my first comment ever….on anything you have done, but i do read and i keep up to date with your work.
i didnt really read this whole post because a thought came to my mind and i knew if i didnt say it i would lose it so here i go…
I am a straight 16yr old girl. and i have Lots of gay best friends. in fact my BEST guy friend ever is gay, his name is jasper.
Somewhere in your post you said that (most) straught people feel the need to defend “you” as a whole.
Myself? i dont feel i need to DEFEND my friends because of their sexuality,race, religion etc. but i am there for them if they need me.
I realize that when some kid says “thats gay” they obviously are blissfully unaware that gay is not synonymous with stupid. And no matter what i say or do, they probably will not stop saying it, and will probably say it just to get a rise out of me.
I CAN look at the bigger picture. I do not automatically assume that because i have gay friends i know what they go through, but i am here for support, not a one woman army against homophobes.
and see now this is why i didnt get to read the whole thing. my thoughts get all construed…i hope it still makes as much sense to you as it does to me..
if not, email me and we can talk
keep up the work and i look forward to your response.
March 26th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Frankie, that’s why I said it doesn’t apply to all straight people. You should have read the rest of the post.
But thank you. It’s nice to get some perspective from someone in your position.