Maybe not so bad after all.
I’ve never cared much for Valentine’s Day. It’s a day of obligations and expectations; a day that destroys more relationships than it heals. It’s pretentious, it’s pointless, it’s capitalist, and the only time it’s ever held any charm was during childhood, when it was a novel day of sweethearts and construction paper cutouts that only resembled hearts in the furthest stretch of the innocent imagination. Valentine’s Day is a morass of stereotypes, one made even more uncomfortable by the fact that many gay people don’t know where we fit in the typical heterosexual stereotype of romance promoted on this day of Romeos and Juliets and sprays of already-wilting roses.
It’s a day of loneliness, too, a reminder to singles that we are alone, and should somehow feel inadequate for it no matter how content we are with our single state on every other day of the year. It’s no different for gay singles; perhaps even sharper, for it’s that much harder for us to find a match in such a limited and secretive dating pool, that much harder to find another wooden man or woman to stand in the right spot and take up space just to say there’s someone on our arms. Our love lives are rarely simple, and I for one have never appreciated a reminder of that.
Nor have I ever enjoyed a Valentine’s Day, even when in a committed relationship.
Perhaps it was just bad luck, perhaps it was bad men. Perhaps it was my own fault, for so cynically and openly denouncing the day while secretly wishing that for once, someone would lighten my jaded bitterness with just a touch of romance, a touch of sweetness. A reason to think that perhaps the day wasn’t such a waste, a little flutter to the heart and hitch to the breath to remind me that I still know how to fall in love, still know how to feel that rush of warmth that only that special someone can inspire.
I never thought I’d get that feeling not from a lover, but from a friend.
I’ve never met him, although I’ve promised him a coffee date when I finally make the move to Chicago. I recognize his face only from photographs, and yet I know his voice better than I know my own. I can tell when he’s smiling just from a change in inflection, tell when he’s sad from a moment’s hesitant pause; he follows the shifts in my moods and often knows what I’m thinking before I can even find words to articulate it. I finish his sentences, and he finishes mine. He makes me laugh until I lose my voice and can’t choke out a single sound more, then turns around and engages my intellect in hours of debate. I tell him I hate him. He knows I don’t mean it.
And he knows, somehow, all the right things to do to make me smile and forget just how much I hate Valentine’s Day.
My cameraphone can’t really do them justice; I’m likely lucky the camera wasn’t trained on me and capturing my blushing, embarrassingly excited reaction when I answered the door to a man with a delivery box full of flowers. I think my heart skipped a few beats when I opened the box, and I spent long minutes carefully unwrapping them, settling them in the vase, and arranging them with the most idiotic grin on my face. Even now, looking up and seeing them standing alone atop my newly-cleared dresser, I can’t stop smiling. It’s not the sort of thing I’d have expected from a friend I’ve never met and never would have met if not for this blog, when men that I’ve had intimate physical and emotional relationships with would never bother.
It’s made even sweeter by the fact that he wants nothing more in exchange save for my company and conversation. He did it just because he could, just because he wanted to, and just because underneath that bastardly veneer, he’s terribly, tooth-rottingly sweet.
Thank you, Hikaru, for reminding me that there are still normal, decent guys out there, even if you pretend to be otherwise. Thank you for reminding me that Valentine’s Day isn’t all so bad…
…and thank you for being my friend.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Now let’s just hope you don’t turn out to be a creepy axe murderer.
This has got to be the frickin’ Twilight Zone.
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February 14th, 2008 at 1:24 am
So, do I tell them you sent me chocolate?
And you’re very welcome, Adri. Time for me to be cheesy and remind you that you deserve so much better.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:37 am
…it’s just so sweet and cute! I want to squish you both, and keep you in a jar on my nightstand. But you’d probably suffocate. Or something. Alas.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:57 am
Oh, shit. It’s Valentine’s day? O_O
xD
Aw, you guys make me jealous. None of my online friends send me chocolate *sniff*
Though the best Christmas gift I ever got was probably a surprise candy gram from my brother at school… And that’s probably because we were having sibling rivalry type conflicts that whole year and that was our only civil moment. Now I wouldn’t have been surprised. We tell each other “I love you” almost every day we see each other.
… Thinking of all the time I spend fighting with someone makes me think I’m not the greatest person to be around. Oh, well.
Happy Valentine’s day! (For once xP)
February 14th, 2008 at 5:27 am
I’m looking forward to it this year because it gives me an excuse to spoil the hell out of my girlfriend without her yelling at me for spending money. We’re going out Friday because no way in hell am I fighting the crowds to get a restaurant table. I did buy her a claddagh ring a few weeks ago, and on Friday I’m going to give her a little collection of bath stuff from Target (I love their $1 aisle) and a mix CD. But I don’t expect anything! I’d prefer it if she didn’t get me anything, really. She’s got even less money than I do, and if she does get me anything, if it’s more than a nice card, I’ll smack her.
I didn’t buy or make any of that stuff for L because I felt like I was obligated to. And none of it cost a lot of money, either. Plus dinner and a movie is our usual date. I enjoy treating her special, like she’s a princess; I love telling her how much I love her…but I do all of those things every day, too.
And I think that makes the difference when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Genuine thoughtfulness, not sheer obligation is the name of the game here.
February 14th, 2008 at 8:07 am
First of all: Awwwww ^____^
Second: HAPPY VALENTINE’s DAY to everyone! I love you and I wished I could send you all cards/gifts/anything. Have fun today and smile at random people! When they smile back you’ll feel happy! Hugs and kisses!
February 14th, 2008 at 9:19 am
…my comment is exactly the same as Sihaya’s. Ah well. Happy Valentine’s Day, even though I remain baffled by the whole idea.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
That is very sweet. I used to be terribly bitter and resentful about Valentine’s day. Now I hardly think about it. If I hadn’t been reading your blog instead of going to work on time, I would not have remembered! I am, however, glad that you’re having a happy Valentine’s for once.
Valentine is a cool name. “Mirrormask”, anyone?
February 14th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Awwwwwww…
(and also: Smoooooth, Hikaru!)
I was never one for mush and valentine’s day and stuff myself. My late husband was all about it though, and was always thoughtful - even if he could never remember which day was valentine’s day and which was my birthday.
Now, well. It’d be nice to still have his mushy ass around to roll my eyes at. Sigh. I’ma go back to bed now.
Ya’ll have a sweet day, though!
February 14th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
First of all - how sweet! And they’re beautiful flowers. Second of all, don’t think that it’s just gays and lesbians that hate Valentines day - I’m straight (mostly LOL) and I HATE Valentine’s day. Even though I’m married to a wonderful husband (who sucks at romance), I feel more alone and more depressed on Valentine’s day than on any other day of the year.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
That’s sweet! *warm fuzzies*
I made a valentines day lunch for my friend, complete with cake and candles. Nothing to extravegant, but it seems to have cheered her from her normal v-day mood.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I’m sorry, that’s just so cute, I “aww”-ed. :3
I never cared for Valentine’s Day myself, as I’ve no real interest in anything it seems to stand for. Still, it was really cute when Mizuki gave me a stuffed monkey (carrying on my tradition of finding/being given Valentine’s Day monkeys, even if such things usually occur long after Valentine’s is gone).
Oh, and Cole - you’ve totally just reminded me of how much I need to see Mirrormask. ;~;
And of The Game. Damn.
February 15th, 2008 at 12:36 am
I am going to have to join in with all the others who have said: “Awwwww”… That’s really sweet.
Valentine’s day would have been better if I hadn’t woken up with a near migraine level headache and skipped physics lecture to let it go down. And my roommate hadn’t been sick. But it still managed to be mostly nice. And I have a date this weekend, which will be good.
I always used to hate the holiday though. The roses that pop up everywhere have something to do with it. I don’t like it when I try to cough my own lungs up… Damn you allergies, damn you! This year, I have successfully evaded the roses though, and it is turning out to be pretty good.
Adri S.