Darkside Rainbow

I can’t say “choice or chance” without thinking of that old show, Space: Above and Beyond. I remember when I was a teenager, I thought the graphics were amazing…while now I think the effects are hokey, the script dated, the costuming horrible, and yet I’m still addicted. Maybe it’s my old high school crush on Joel de la Fuente, the actor behind the character Paul Wang - but what I’m remembering right now is the AIs, and their mantra: chance or choice, choice or chance.

That mantra has been stuck in my head since yesterday’s comic regarding research into the existence of a gay gene. The topic really captures me, possibly because of my avid interest in science and science fiction, and possibly because it raises so many questions about who I am - who we all are. It’s at once comforting and disturbing to know that something that can affect you as powerfully as your sexuality can be so wholly beyond your own control.

It’s comforting because it would prove without a doubt that while we may be mutations of the status quo (and mutations aren’t always a bad thing; successful mutations aid evolution, while failed ones die out), we are not abominations; we are not signs of any kind of sin, or of any moral deficit in the eyes of whatever god you choose to follow. We’re a natural result of biology experimenting with variations on the basic template of mankind in an attempt to improve the species. I can’t say if we’re a positive or negative change, but if biology determines sexuality and homosexuality has remained prevalent among both humans and animals, then we must serve some purpose in the natural order of things. I’m fine with that. I don’t mind being part of one big evolved method of population control, really.

But I’m a stubborn creature, and an independent one, and just contrary enough to be bothered by the fact that although I’m quite content being gay, I had no choice in the matter. It would frighten the hell out of me knowing that others had a choice in my sexuality, as could become possible with emerging gene therapy. However, I don’t think I’d mind so much if I had that choice - if I could make it a choice, rather than chance. I think I might even choose to be gay, for personal reasons that I’d rather not share here.

And yet that makes me wonder - out of the gay population of the world, how much of it is chance and how much is choice? It’s hard for me to think that sexuality is wholly biological when one considers aspects of social conditioning; take the classic example of Greek culture, where intimacy among male friends was considered commonplace and was as much of a socialized trait as the modern male’s fear that even a casual touch will cause others to perceive him as gay. I can’t help but think that part of our sexuality is influenced by genetic factors…but part of it may have to do with how we’re socialized, and there may be men and women who identify as gay who don’t share this common “gay gene” that researchers are searching for. At some point they made a choice, whether conscious or not, that affected their entire sexual identity…and wholly as a result of influencing factors in their environment.

Maybe there is no gay gene. Maybe that’s how it works for all of us; something in our developmental years triggers a portion of our brain, and that chance happening causes us to make a subconscious choice - maybe even psychology as a result of biological chemistry. I don’t know. I know that even if science doesn’t ever manage to identify a biological cause for homosexuality, or isolates it to something wholly psychological, I’ll be content either way. Knowing the why won’t do much to change the who. Genetic, psychological, whatever…I’m gay, I’m not ashamed of that fact, and I’m wholly comfortable with who I am…

…whether it was by choice, or by chance.

gay gene, homosexuality in genetics, biological causes for homosexuality, choosing to be gay